


Do You Like My Soliloquizing?

by helplesslynerdy



Series: Crack!Fic AU [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helplesslynerdy/pseuds/helplesslynerdy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crack!fic kind-of-sequel to <i>Do You Like My Gun?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Like My Soliloquizing?

The Doctor snuck his head around the corner of the library door into the hallway of the TARDIS, making sure Rose was nowhere in sight. One advantage to being bonded with a human, albeit one infused with the Vortex, was her long sleeping hours. While she was sleeping, he was able to sneak in his, _ahem,_ less dignified interests that it was best that his bond-mate knew nothing about _thankyouverymuch_.

He activated the screen, head again testing the limits of his neck movement, checking that he was unobserved. Once his fear was abated, he selected file he desired and waited for it to load. His feet bounced with restless energy that threatened his precarious position on the edge of the overstuffed chair. He was almost finished with it- a near miracle Rose had not found out- and since she just started her sleep cycle, he had about a half-hour to finish it. He had to do all the repair work he could fit in while she slept to keep her from catching on and asking what he was doing with the extra time.

On the screen, a little man in spectacles and a cap popped out of the ground. _“Is she to be buried in Christian burial?”_ the man asked. The Doctor burrowed into the chair. The graveyard scene was one of his absolute favorites. He even had brought out his RSC skull mug for the occasion. Rose knew how he hated the commercialization of Shakespeare, and had intended it as a gag gift (to which he did _not_ fly into an hour long lecture that her faulty human memory _clearly_ had conjured up), but after her loss to Pete’s World, he had treasured it above almost every other possession.

“ _Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he sings at grave-making?”_ With the sound of a _very_ familiar voice, the Doctor was brought out of his reverie and back to the play. Whenever Rose had returned from Pete’s World, with that quite magnificent reunion kiss if he said so himself, and after that bother with Davros was sorted, and his double had (sadly) burned saving Donna’s mind, and he had taken Donna to find her bloke, Lee, and left her for a bit with him so he and Rose could…celebrate their bonding, Rose had told him about her dimension travels. In one of the universes, his doppelgänger had been an actor called David Tennant. She had said that he was one of the best performers she had ever seen. It was _his_ double. The Doctor had been quite smug at the time.

Rose had later reluctantly admitted that she had copies of this David Tennant’s work, but the Doctor had put her off with another gingerbread houses speech. She did not have to know that it was borne out of a tinge of jealousy. Soon, curiosity had overtaken him, and he began watching _Hamlet_ while Rose slept. The viewing had become an acute fascination. This bloke _was_ quite good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose had dozed off for a bit but a muscle spasm woke her. It was one of those awful times where she was immediately wide awake despite only getting a few minutes of precious sleep. She decided to go and get herself a glass of water. She left their bedroom and padded towards the kitchen. As she neared the corridor to turn to the kitchen on the left, she heard the Doctor speaking on the right. Intrigued, she instead turned to see what he was up to in their media room.

The doorway was slightly cracked, giving Rose a limited view of the interior.  _“…I knew him, Horatio! A fellow of infinite jest,”_ she heard. She pushed the door open a bit to see the version of _Hamlet_ that she had acquired in the parallel universe on the screen. On the floor, in a perfect replication of what was on the screen, was the Doctor holding the mug she had bought him. He was mouthing the words as the speech continued.

She couldn’t contain the giggle that bubbled up. The Doctor was immediately on his feet, the skull mug (thankfully plastic) fallen to the ground. He tugged at his ear. “Oh, Rose, I was just checking the differences between this universe’s interpretation of _Hamlet_ and our own. Did you know that there were several different folios and thus several different versions of the play in our own universe?” She cocked an eyebrow, reigning in her laughter while he continued without breaking for breath. “The ‘To be or not to be’ soliloquy is in a different bit of the play in a couple! Can you believe? Or they will use ‘sullied flesh’ instead of ‘solid flesh.’” He picked up the mug and began passing it between his hands nervously. “It always irked me that people keep associating Yorick’s skull with the ‘To be or not to be’ part. Several acts before the gravedigger scene! But you know how once a pop culture tradition catches with you humans, there’s very little to be done to quench it, however erroneous it may be.”

Rose had reached the Doctor by this point and had taken the mug from his hands. “Erroneous,” she tapped her lip with her finger, “like my assumption that we had agreed that it was _a bad idea_ to watch these? ‘Gingerbread houses, Rose!’” she exclaimed, in shockingly accurate mimicry of the Doctor’s voice.

The Doctor grimaced, chagrined. “It was the pursuit of…knowledge, Rose. A universe that I have never visited- I wanted to see the differences, if any.” He scuffed his trainer against the edge of the rug.

“You’re just so vain that you couldn’t help but watch this like a twisted version of a mirror.” His eyes shot up to see her barely contained laughter. She breached the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his waist. He pouted a bit at her continued chuckling before claiming her lips with his own. _To shut her up,_ he reasoned to himself.

After pulling back, Rose decided to be merciful. “So- are we going to start this from the beginning or what?”

The Doctor’s eyes lit up. “I’ll get the popcorn!” he shouted before darting out of the room. 

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own _Doctor Who_. Quotes from Shakespeare's _Hamlet_.


End file.
